Evan:
I have a plan
I have a plan
Possibly, I think I have a plan
It'll take a lot of work, it'll take a lot of luck
But when it all comes through, they'll say

All hail the brain!
He does what no mere mortal can
He's the man, Evan Goldman
All hail the brain!
He did what no one else could do
Saw us through, saved the day
And all I have to do is

Wait till Mom goes to sleep
Then sneak the license from the wallet in her purse
And make a colored Xerox, laminate it
Then put the license back in the wallet in her purse
Then find the dress she wore in the picture on the license that I copied and I laminated
Wear the dress, get a wig, show the license, buy the tickets
What could go wrong?

All:
Brett's gonna do it
Brett's gonna do it
Friday night
Brett's gonna do it
Friday night
At the Bloodmaster
Brett's gonna do the tongue with Kendra
Friday night at the movie in the mall
And the Brain's gonna get us in

Evan:
I have a plan
A better plan
Actually an almost perfect plan
It sounds absolutely nuts, it'll take a lot of guts
But when it all comes through, they'll say

All hail the brain
Give that bar mitzvah boy a hand
Ain't he grand, ain't he great?
And all I have to do is

Go that day to the movie theater
Break into the projection room
See the reel of film for the Bloodmaster
Take it in the hall where they're showing Bambi
Switch the reels, leave the theater
Tell the guys we're gonna go and see Bambi
What could go wrong?

Brett:
Hey, Brain, did you set up my date for Friday?

Evan:
Date?

Brett:
With Kendra?

Evan:
Date? Date! Archie, I have major news!
I have a plan
I have a plan
So you and Kendra can go out on Friday night

Archie:
Ooh!

Evan:
I need your help, though, so stay calm
You need to go talk to my mom
And it'll all come true
Because

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Take it from me, it's a sure guarantee of success
Listen, I'm not making fun of your terminal illness
But you hold the secret to getting my mom to say yes

So talk to my mom, and get her to buy the tickets we need to obtain
Brett gets his movie, I get the credit, and you get your date, so who could complain?
Except for you because your dying, but

No one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Who could refuse when you shuffle your shoes and say please?
Use all the tricks that you learned in your cradle
You don't need to lay it on thick with a ladle
Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease!

Archie:
I can do this!

Evan:
I know you can!
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:
Mrs. Goldman, I hate to bother you, but I was strolling through the neighborhood…

Evan:
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:
Which wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't my birthday on Friday, but the insurance…

Evan:
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:
I could always pay you for the tickets if I don't get my medicine next month…

Evan:
La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

Archie:
And you know, I've always felt this connection with the Jewish people…

Evan:
Out of the blue
A thought comes to you
Like sun coming out from the rain
And after the stress
My mother says--

Archie:
Yes!

Evan:
Yes!

Evan & Archie:
We're all set for Friday
So who could complain

Archie:
Except for you because you're Jewish and you always complain

Evan:
It's true--

Evan & Archie:
But no one says no to a boy with a terminal illness
Ask for a day at the mall or a trip to Belize
Nothing's to hard or a quest unendurable
Long as your sure you're completely incurable
Cause no one says no to a boy with a fatal disease

Eric:
All hail the brain

All:
All hail the brain

Eric:
I never thought he'd take the bait
This is great, Evan Goldman

All:
Evan Goldman
All hail the brain

Evan:
I did what no one else could do
Tell me who could complain?

Eric:
All hail the brain

All:
All hail the brain

Evan:
All hail the brain

All:
All hail the brain
All hail the brain!